So I'm bending the rules, and writing a preface, but not about my poem, more about it's inspiration. If anyone (moderators) can tell me where a good place to put this preface would be, leave me a message telling me where to go!
This poem was inspired by the musings of my favorite poet, Lance Henson. He's a Native American writer and American ex-patriot in self-imposed exile in Italy. He's in some sort of fight with the government, the details of which escape me right now. Lance is heavily influenced by nature, and his experiences growing up in Oklahoma (my home state). If you still find his work (he's discontinueing US printings) read it! He's truly amazing.
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Our roots travel through the Earth
Holding us here forever
Regardless of our wandering
We are of this place,
Children of the sun, moon and stars
Solid in the knowledge
Of where we have been
Even if we know not where we are going
We came here like the raindrops
Blind to where we would land
Trusting onlhy in this God,
This nature,
This force so much greater than us
To bring us to a place we could call home.
And once the fall was over
We eased our way in
Turned to a rolling river
Tall oak trees
Wild flowers that fill the field;
Paving our pathes
Spreading our forest
Watching our garden grow.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Yes. The "Children Of..." line is weird.
I'm sure you meant "only." Just a careless mistake, but I really liked this line.
However, I agree with the others--cliché indeed...
Still, it's a very colorful poem. Really worth reading.
I like this poem alot how you wrote it was beautiful however I do agree it is a tiny winy bit clichee
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I quite like it. Okay, so there are some cliches but I think they're acceptable ones
I like that simile. Subtle yet pretty and effective. You have some really nice moments in here, and I like the concept of the poem. Good work.
yeah i don't like the "Children of..." line either, but i couldn't really come up with something else. any suggestions?
eh yeah there's some definite cheese... guess that's just the mood i was in though.
I did like this poem.
Just some bits I caught.
First stanza- Weeeoooweeooo! Cliche at two o'clock! 'Children of the sun, moon, and stars'. You need to change this a bit so it's not so kindergarten-y.
Second stanza- liked it, found nothing wrong, except you combined 'only' and 'holy' in an interesting way, 'onhly'. I'm assuming it's only.
Third stanza- minor cliche, 'watching our garden grow'. You did a good job with the other ones, like the 'spreading forest'. For the garden thing, you need to be a bit more original.
Over all, I thought it quite good. It was cool! Just some stuff to make it better.
***RESPONSIBILITY OF S.P.E.W.*** [/b]